Making Good Use of Your Evenings – TPW240

When evening (or other “off work” time) comes, do you use it well or let it fritter away?

What do you do with your evening time?

This week’s topic was inspired by a conversation in a recent mastermind meeting about using our evenings well. We talked about the feeling of coming home from work, having no plan for the evening and frittering it away, accomplishing nothing of value, and going to bed thinking, “Well, that evening’s lost.”

Wasted time

What does it mean to waste time? How do you define whether your time was wasted or used well?

I looked up the definition of waste online and it said, “causing someone to spend time doing something that is unnecessary or does not produce any benefit.”

Laura Vanderkam, author of Off the Clock and our guest on TPW217, offered this definition in an article a few years ago:

“Time is wasted when it’s neither enjoyed, nor spent in pursuit of some larger life goal.”

“How to Figure Out What Is Really a Waste of Time (Laura Vanderkam)”

How do we decide if time is wasted? That’s never somebody else’s call. It’s not determined by what you did or didn’t do. The question is whether you are satisfied with the results you’re getting.

No one should spend every minute working.

In the United States, where I’m based, most workers don’t use up the vacation time they’re entitled to. Americans tend to work too much. When we’re talking about the best way to make use of our evenings (or any other non-work time), it’s important to keep in mind that working all the time is not healthy, helpful, or productive

“Humans are only wired to be focused on a specific task for an hour or two at a stretch before the mind gets fatigued and can’t absorb new information, so mental rest is crucial. There are different types of brain waves: beta waves are present when the mind is alert and focused on a task and alpha waves when the mind is relaxed, free to wander or daydream. In that important alpha state the brain is processing all the info it’s recently taken in, learning from it, storing away memories to make room for more information, and making new connections that spark creative ideas.”

“Is Watching TV Actually a Good Way to Rest Your Brain” 

There’s nothing wrong with the occasional evening spent on the couch with popcorn and Netflix

“Watching TV and surfing the web are often low-value activities, but they’re not automatically wasted time. These things sometimes bring pleasure, and pleasure is a good in its own right.”

“How to Figure Out What Is Really a Waste of Time (Laura Vanderkam)”

But the effect of these kinds of activities is the subject of studies and conflicting conclusions.

TV can be a form of escapism, and a little escapism can be a good thing. I confess that my way of unwinding after a stressful or very full day is often “vegging” in front of the TV because I don’t have to think about anything. So I was surprised to learn that studies say it’s not clear that our minds actually rest when we watch TV.

“Neuroscientists still don’t know exactly what’s going on in the brain when it’s glued to the TV. But EEG studies, which detect electrical activity in the brain, have found that the higher-functioning levels of the brain, like the neocortex we use for analysis and reasoning, go offline when we zombie out in front of the screen. Meanwhile the visual cortex, the brain’s largest cortical tissue, is highly stimulated. This basically leaves the brain in a sort of limbo state of rest—neurons are still firing but the mind is not actually engaged—it’s taking in a boatload of information but not processing it, so the brain isn’t fully relaxed, but it’s not being exercised either.”

“Is Watching TV Actually a Good Way to Rest Your Brain” 

“Watching TV after a stressful day leads to feelings of guilt and failure. It doesn’t give you the downtime you need to prepare for the next day, nor does it keep you in a neutral state — it actually depletes you. The study suggests a simple but profound shift in thinking about watching TV after work that applies to all forms of recharging your productivity.”

“The Psychology Behind Why Relaxing with TV after Work Leads to Feelings of Failure”

Don’t think of watching TV after work as a failure of self-control, think of it as a reward for a hard day’s work.

According to the author of the article quoted above, productive people often overlook their own productivity. The more productive you are, the more likely you are to get down on yourself, so you’re less likely to give yourself a reward because you don’t think that it’s deserved.

He recommends reflecting on your day and journaling about your accomplishments to help you recognize that the whole day wasn’t wasted and there’s no reason you shouldn’t enjoy a night of fun. Like everything else, our mindset makes the difference.

Effectively managing your own psychology makes the difference between feeling exhausted after supposedly decompressing with TV following a long day at work and feeling rejuvenated and ready to tackle the next day.”

“The Psychology Behind Why Relaxing with TV after Work Leads to Feelings of Failure”

How to use the evening well

Assuming you have even just an hour or two of free time in the evening, what are some things you can do to use that time well to help us make a life that matters as you define it and to be productive in the sense of accomplishing the things you care about?

• Rest – meditate, do something relaxing, go to bed early
• Reconnect – with husband, children (as a group or one each evening), friend, or a family member in person or via phone
  • Have a meal together with no screens, and linger over it.
  • If this is new, don’t be discouraged if the kids or husband don’t engage the way you imagined they would. Take some time to get everyone on board.
  • Jump on a Skype call with parents or best friend from college who live far away.
• Work – There’s nothing wrong with getting work done in the evening if it’s done purposefully. Even if it wasn’t planned, it’s alright to work in the evenings sometimes. But if this is the norm for your evenings, consider why.
  • Do you start your workday later?
  • Are you not efficient in the mornings?
  • Are you not using your work time effectively?
• Self-care – have a spa night (at home or elsewhere), exercise
• Personal or professional growth (learn something new or get inspiration) – read, attend an online or in-person course, watch a webinar. Remember that using all our time consuming new information may not be the most effective use of time. For more on that topic, listen to TPW 236 – Consumption, Creation, and Contribution.
• Take action on one of your goals
  • If you’ve identified your goals and broken them down into small steps, it’s easier to plan to take action. Choose a small step and put it on your calendar.
• Use part of the evening to prepare for the next day. Check your calendar, get clothes ready, assemble dinner ingredients, make sure kids’ backpacks are ready to go so the morning will be less hectic.

How to make time for evening activities

• Plan ahead – Just a little forethought can make the difference between making good use of an evening or frittering it away.
  • Make a list of things you could do because if you wait until you get home decision fatigue means you’ll end up puttering or on the couch with Netflix and bag of cheese puffs.
    • Prepare ahead – Make reservations or pick up supplies (you can do this if you have a list, and then if you feel motivated to work on a project you can jump in because you have what you need)
    • Schedule a date night with your spouse or a coffee date or other activity with a friend
  • Enlist the support or at least accommodation of others in your life. If you need some alone time, get hubby or older kids or a friend on board to help out with kids or cover dinner that night. Trade off to make sure he gets his time as well
  • Start small. Plan for one night a week to start and expand from there
    • Simplify meals for those nights.
  • Cut yourself some slack, and adjust your mindset. Being a productive person doesn’t mean filling every minute of the day with activity. If we find ourselves feeling guilty about how we used the evening, pause and examine why. Is it because you are failing to live up to your or others’ expectations? Do you have too much on your plate to allow down time? If so, what can you do about that? Remember, you DO have a choice. The life we are living today is the result of the choices we made yesterday and last week and last year and 10 minutes ago. If we want different results, we can make different choices. Change may come slowly, but we can make changes if we want to.

Final thoughts

Keep in mind:

• These same concepts can apply to the weekend or, if you work the night shift, any other non-work time.
• There’s not a right or wrong way to use this time. The only question that matters is whether you’re satisfied with the results.

 “There’s no virtue in being productive toward ends that don’t matter. Wasting less time means being honest about what really does matter to you.”

“How to Figure Out What Is Really a Waste of Time (Laura Vanderkam)”

“We have all heard the phrase, “time is precious,” “time is of the essence” and “use your time wisely,” which is why we all strive to make the most we can out of he time we have, but if we’re not enjoying what we do with our time, then we are in fact wasting it.”

“What Does It Mean to Waste Time?” 

What do you think?

Are you happy with how you spend your evenings (or other time off from work)? What do you do with that time? Please share your thoughts in the comments section below this post or in The Productive Woman Community Facebook group, or send me an email.

Resources

Articles

• “How to Figure Out What Is Really a Waste of Time”
• “Is Watching TV Actually a Good Way to Rest Your Brain” 
• “The Psychology Behind Why Relaxing with TV after Work Leads to Feelings of Failure”
• “What Does It Mean to Waste Time?” 

Podcasts

• TPW 236 – Consumption, Creation, and Contribution.
• TPW217 – Being Intentional with Time, with Laura Vanderkam

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