The Lies We Tell Ourselves – TPW068

It’s not unusual to face obstacles in the pursuit of our dreams or goals. But how many of those obstacles do we create ourselves? In this episode, I examine some of the lies we tell ourselves and offer a few suggestions for counteracting the lies to help you accomplish your goals, no matter how big or difficult they may be.

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The Lies We Tell Ourselves – Barriers to Progress . . . and Productivity

1.   I’m too old

Living a productive life and achieving your goals don’t have an age limit. I went back to school in my 30s, after being married and having children.

These women haven’t let a number hold them back, either:

• In 2004, Dorothy Davenhill Hirsch became the oldest person to visit North Pole at age 89
• Leila Denmark was still working as pediatrician at age 103
• Gladys Burrill of Hawaii ran her first marathon at 86, became the oldest person to complete marathon at 92
• Bertha Wood had her first book published on her 100th birthday
• Laura Ingalls Wilder published her first book at age 65, and after that she wrote 12 books in the Little House on the Prairie series
• Grandma Moses didn’t start painting until she was in her 70s.

2. I’m too young

If you’ve ever thought, “I can’t go for this job or this achievement because I haven’t lived long enough,” or you feel you’re not ready for something because you’re too young, take a look at what these women have accomplished at young ages:

• Tatum O’Neal won Best Supporting actress oscar at age 10
• Nadia Comaneci became first athlete in Olympic history to achieve perfect score of 10, and earned three Olympic gold medals at age 14
• Malala Yousafza was nominated for Nobel Peace Prize at age 16 for her work speaking out for rights of girls and women in Pakistan
• Janis Joplin made her first recording at age 25, grossed $1 million
• J.K. Rowling was 25 when she came up with the idea for Harry Potter
• DNC Chairwoman Debbie Wasserman-Shultz was elected as Florida’s youngest female legislator at age 26.

Consider carefully what you want to do or what you are called to do, and if you feel too young to do it, it may be a lie you (or other people) are telling yourself.

3. I missed my opportunity

Regret is easily one of the most potent emotions that can cloud our ability to look toward the future. But it doesn’t have to stop you from realizing your dream that hasn’t come to fruition yet.

• We seldom have only one chance.
• Just because we didn’t realize the opportunity was there or the timing wasn’t right doesn’t mean it’s the last chance ever.
• For me, it didn’t matter that I passed on the opportunity for law school when I was younger; I was able to go back to school when I was 35.

4. There’s not enough time

You might tell yourself, “I don’t have enough time to write a book or practice tennis or start this business or ministry or foundation.” But everything we talk about on The Productive Woman is about managing our lives to make sure we have the time and energy we need to accomplish what matters most.

• There probably isn’t enough time to do everything, but there is enough time to do the things that matter most.
• It’s not about doing everything or doing more, but getting the RIGHT stuff done.

It might require choices or saying “no” to some good opportunities to create the time, space, and energy to do the best things.

• What are you doing with your time now — and what can you put aside or say “no” to so you can make the time do the things you want to?
• Look realistically at what you want to do and what can be delayed in order to make time for it.
• When we’re telling ourselves there isn’t enough time, sometimes we’re really hiding from the real reason — fear.

5. There’s not enough money

To some extent, saying you don’t have enough money is similar to saying you don’t have enough time. I’m cautious about calling this a “lie” because I don’t want to dismiss or belittle your personal situation, but I encourage you to keep an open mind as to other ways you can achieve your dreams, despite your financial situation.

• There are things we can do if money is a necessity.
• It may call for making choices about how we’re spending money.
• Look into creative ways to finance the things we want to do, and look at other options.
  • Barter goods and services.
  • Be bold enough to ask people to invest in your idea or become partners with you.

• Think very carefully about what you do with the money and resources you do have.

One of my goals for next year is to find guests to to talk about ways we cab manage our money better and getting the resources we need.

6. It’ll take too long

Do you dismiss your dreams because you feel there’s no point in trying because it’ll take too long? Does the thought of being a certain age when you finish seem daunting? It’s common to feel overwhelmed by the process of doing what we want to do, but here are some things to consider:

• You’re going to be that old in that many years anyway. Will you regret not following your dream at that point?
• Break it down into the little pieces, like any project planning.

You can listen to The Productive Woman episode 60 for more information about Planning a Project.

• Persistently work toward your goal, one step at a time.

An inspiring example of this is Nola Ochs, who became the oldest college graduate at age 95.

She took her first college class at 1930, then raised four sons on family farm, then after her husband died in 1972, she went back and took another college class, followed by another, then another and so on.

• She was named Kansas woman leader of the year.
• She was given her diploma by the governor of kansas at the time.
• She appeared on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno, along with being featured in newspapers and articles.
• She went on to pursue her Master’s degree and finished at 98!

Just because it takes “too long” doesn’t mean it’s not worth it.

7. I’m not talented enough

It’s true that talent matters, but so does hard work–maybe even more so. It’s very rare to find people who have a natural talent AND a willingness to work hard. That gives those of us mere mortals a shot at great success!

• In a study from 2011, psychologists proved “even if you weren’t born with genius in your genes, you can outperform the smartest of individuals as long as you work hard and the latter doesn’t.”
• The study also showed that hard work and modest talent wins over great talent and laziness.

My suggestion is to continue to develop your skills and work ethic.

• Superstar actor Will Smith has been quoted in interviews as saying he owes much of his success to the fact that he will outwork anybody, even if he isn’t the most talented.

8. It shouldn’t be this hard

It’s easy to get discouraged and think if something is meant to be, it should just happen or if I have to work this hard, I must not have what it takes.

• The things that matter most of all take a lot of hard work.
• The people who have been the most successful have failed time after time
• The people we think of as incredibly successful have stories about their failures and the willingness to fail, then get up and start again
• We get tired when we’re plugging along to accomplish something. Going to school, raising kids, building a business, it’s easy to get discouraged and it’s easier to say it wasn’t meant to be.

9. People will laugh at me/People will think it’s dumb/People will think I’m full of myself

I was terrified of what people would think if I started a podcast, but I had to keep in mind most people probably aren’t paying attention to what I’m doing because they’re trying to figure out their own lives.

You probably wouldn’t worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they do.” ~ Olin Miller

The first time going to a gym to workout, I thought everyone would look at me and notice how awkward and old and uncoordinated I am. It took me almost no time at all to realize that no one was looking at me; they were all busy doing their own thing.

The people who love you will support you in pursuing your goals. Those who don’t support you, well . . . their opinions don’t matter.

We need to learn to worry less about what others think. We don’t want these lies to control us.

10. I’ll do it later

• We keep putting things off for later, but “later” might not come.
• Think about how you’re spending your time and filling your days, hours and minutes.
• There’s a difference between stalling because of priorities and procrastinating because your dreams are overwhelming or scary.
• We don’t have to do everything at once.
• It’s reasonable to have priorities and make wise choices about what we do, and when, but we still need to be mindful to not allow life to roll over us.
• Think about why and how you’re managing your time. Are you purposefully living your priorities, or are you stalling because that thing that’s haunting you scares you?
• As yourself, “When I come to the end of my life, what do I want to be able to say about the way I lived it?”

How do you counter the lies?

Simply put — with the truth.

• Remind yourself of the truth daily — you have or you can get what it takes to accomplish the things that matter to you.
  • You might not have the skills now, but you can get those skills.
  • Find a mentor to help.
  • Find inspiring and encouraging quotes.
  • Remind yourself to counteract the lies.
• Surround yourself with people to build you up
  • Distance yourself from those who discourage you.
  • Surround yourself with supportive people instead.
• Read books that encourage you
  • I’m currently reading Elizabeth Gilbert’s new book Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear, which I’ve found to be encouraging and a good tool to help counteract these lies we tell ourselves.
    • There’s a list in the beginning of the book of those voices in our heads that lie to us and discourage us from pursuing our dreams.
  • Turn your thinking away from discouragement and, instead, focus on the possibilities.

What do you think?

Do any of these lies sound familiar? Have you heard them (or others) in your head? How do you counteract them? Do you have ways to get past the discouragement to accomplish your dreams? Please share your questions, comments, and suggestions in the comments section below or on The Productive Woman’s Facebook page, or email me.

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