When it comes to making a meaningfully productive life, there is incredible power in focusing on the things we can control.
Focusing on what we can control
I’ve been reading a couple of books lately that have in different ways talked about how important our mindset is in accomplishing anything. One of them is a book by Ryan Holiday called The Obstacle is the Way: The Timeless Art of Turning Trials into Triumph. In this week’s episode, I want to share some key reminders from this book (and others) that I’ve been pondering and trying to put into practice.
For some of us, a lot of productive time is lost to either worrying about or fighting against situations and circumstances, real, imagined, or anticipated. I’ve been known to get myself worked up into tears or anger over something that hasn’t happened yet but might or things that have happened already and can’t be changed.
For example…
How someone might react to something I said or did or am thinking of saying or doing.
How someone has reacted to something I said or did (or didn’t say or do, but they think I did).
Neither of those is something I can do anything about, so spending a lot of time thinking about them will not help me be more productive or happier.
We face obstacles and challenges – health, other people’s expectations, lack of funds, full-time job plus parenting, physical or health limitations, crises affecting us or the people we love, a difficult upbringing – and it might seem impossible. But consider developing the mindset of looking for any thing we can do, no matter how small. We can’t control our circumstances, or other people, or so many other things, but we can either use our energy to fight against the things outside our control or to look, on purpose, for something we can do . . . and then do it.
It’s easy to want to give up, and if our attention is on the things we can’t control we likely will give up. We certainly won’t make any progress at all.
Attitudes and ideas to keep in mind
- What matters more than our circumstances is our perception of them.
Two people with the same circumstances may have two very different experiences, based entirely on how they perceive the situation.
We are wired to find evidence for what we believe. If we believe we are powerless, we’ll find evidence to support that belief. If we believe we can make a difference, we’ll find evidence to support that belief.
Life coach Brooke Castillo points out that our feelings are generated, not by the circumstances around us, but by what we think about those circumstances.
“You will come across obstacles in life-fair and unfair. And you will discover, time and time again, that what matters most is not what these obstacles are but how we see them, how we react to them, and whether we keep our composure.”
~ Ryan Holiday in The Obstacle is the Way: The Timeless Art of Turning Trials into Triumph
I am trying hard to learn this lesson. My initial reaction to the unexpected challenge often is not to keep my composure. Even though I’ve learned through hard experience that freaking out, especially over things I can’t control, never helps and usually makes things worse.
“Too often we react emotionally, get despondent, and lose our perspective. All that does is turn bad things into really bad things.”
~ Ryan Holiday in The Obstacle is the Way: The Timeless Art of Turning Trials into Triumph
- Our history – the things that happened to us, and the things we did – informs who we are today, but it doesn’t have to define us. It’s past; it’s over; no amount of railing against it will change it, and fighting it or thinking about how it shouldn’t have happened or feeling shame for what we did will not help us in any way to make a life that matters.
We can choose instead to intentionally turn our thoughts to the things we can control: our thoughts right now, in this moment. Our actions right now, in this moment.
- Learn to distinguish the improbable vs. the impossible
Search for any small action you can take
-
- Example: I was born with congenital hip dysplasia, resulting in physical limitations. I could be discouraged by what I can’t do OR I could look for what I can do. I can walk. I can jog. I look funny when I do it, and I feel self-conscious, but I can do it. Do I look at what I can’t do and give up, or feel frustrated because the things I can do are less effective? Or do I do what I can?
- Example: Lack of funds can seem an insurmountable obstacle. Instead of looking at the obstacle, choose to see it as a challenge and look for some action you can take, no matter how small and ineffectual it might seem:
- There are places that pay for certain recyclable materials (metal, etc.). Gather it up, take it in.
- Half-priced books will pay for used books. It’s not much, but better than nothing.
- What skill do you have that somebody might pay for? Cleaning house, babysitting, mowing lawns, mending clothes, etc.
- What do you have that you can sell (FB marketplace, Craig’s List, etc.)?
- Look hard for something you can do
Whatever the situation, be willing to take a chance – if there’s any small chance, take it, and let other people react as they choose
- In a difficult situation, turn your attention to what you can actually do something about:
Are you miserable at work because of a difficult boss or co-worker? Don’t focus on what you can’t control: the boss, the co-worker, company policies. Focus on what you can control:
-
-
- Your own work ethic
- You can choose to look for another job (not quit reactively, but deliberately and rationally)
- Your own attitude
-
- Be willing to take small steps
“Focusing exclusively on what is in our power magnifies and enhances our power. But every ounce of energy directed at things we can’t actually influence is wasted-self-indulgent and self-destructive.”
Ryan Holiday in The Obstacle is the Way: The Timeless Art of Turning Trials into Triumph
What do you think?
Is there a situation in your life where you’ve felt powerless or where you’ve been unhappy because you’re trying to change things you have no control over? Can you identify some small thing you do control, and take action there? Please share your thoughts in the comments section below this post or in The Productive Woman Community Facebook group, or send me an email.
Resources
Announcements & Reminders
Thank you to our sponsors Honeybook & Metpro for helping me bring content to you at no charge.
- HoneyBook is an online business management tool that organizes your client communications, bookings, contracts, and invoices, all in one place. Visit Honeybook.com/TPW for 50% off your first year.
- If one of your goals for this year is to get healthier, MetPro’s personal concierge coaching program might help. Visit Metpro.co/TPW to get a complimentary Metabolic Profiling assessment and consultation.
I would love to have your help!
- Subscribe, rate, and review The Productive Woman in Apple Podcasts or subscribe in Stitcher.
- Join the conversation at The Productive Woman on Facebook.
- Your feedback matters to me. Please share your comments, questions, or suggestions.
Royse City, Texas
I Was Just Thinking . . .
Legal Blog: Real Estate Law Blog
Follow @LauraMcMom
Contact me
Leave a Reply